I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
