Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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