clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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