Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
