Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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