just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
