Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
