The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We need to get me chipped asap
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
