I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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