with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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