ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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