I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
