Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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