A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
