Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
