it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
