Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize