Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize