I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
