I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
