I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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