Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
