it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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