Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
