I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
