DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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