She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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