If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
