fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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