remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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