in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
