She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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