so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
either way he was missing a nipple.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
