there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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