like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
