Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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