Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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