Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
