my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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