my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
