Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
