i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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