Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
