dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
