Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
