What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
