I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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