Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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