you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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