I wanna passion pit in your ass
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
