no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pants are for mortals
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
