Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
