Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
