I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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