Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
