is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
