um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
