U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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