Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
