Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
