When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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