it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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