I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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