no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize