y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
