you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
